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Your 2nd draft of the 'Oil and Water' explanation showed very clear evidence of the basic criteria, Diana. You have the introduction and conclusion, some good ideas and you've ordered the ideas logically.
I would like to see you structuring your explanation with paragraphs and adding more detail. You could do this by making sure that you've covered many of the WHs.
Me!!!
This is me with Misty.
About Me
My name is Diana. I am a Year 6 pupil at Riverdale School. I like reading, writing, arts, crafts, drama and playing with my rabbit Misty.
I have a ptosis*, which means I have a droopy eyelid. I also have a problem that means my eyes don't work together. I am short sighted in one eye, and I have astigmatism in the other. That means every thing is blurry.
My strengths are: reading, writing, computers, acting and making new friends. This year at school, I want to get 100% on Stage 7 knowledge test. I also want to improve my ball skills.
*said toe-sis
I have a ptosis*, which means I have a droopy eyelid. I also have a problem that means my eyes don't work together. I am short sighted in one eye, and I have astigmatism in the other. That means every thing is blurry.
My strengths are: reading, writing, computers, acting and making new friends. This year at school, I want to get 100% on Stage 7 knowledge test. I also want to improve my ball skills.
*said toe-sis
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