I can't imagine life without Misty.

I was sitting on the black leather couch in Mrs Peck's office when I heard the bad news. It was Maths Explorers when the phone rang.

"Hello?" said Mr McCallum. Somebody on the other end of the line said something. It was probably my mum.

"There's been a rabbit stolen from McDonald Place? You saw him? Thanks." He heaved a sigh of relief, but I could see the worry lines on his face.

Then it slapped me awake. As far as I knew, I was the only one in McDonald Place with a rabbit.

My eyes started watering. "I think I'm the only one in McDonald Place with a rabbit," I tried to say. "Yeah, it's your rabbit," Mr McCallum replied.
I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. Everything was a blur. All I could think about was my pain inside me and hoping that Misty would be ok.
Mrs Helm gave me a drink of water, then I went back to class, still in tears. My heart was breaking like an egg smashed on the floor. I was as worried as someone who had a sickness that could kill them at any second.
Somehow, the word had spread like seeds, because when I entered the classroom, lots of girls came and hugged me and tried to calm me down.
I tried to work, but I couldn't. It was too much.
Five minutes later, Mr McCallum came and told me she was ok. Relief flooded over me. I was able to go home and see her.
I just can't imagine life without Misty.
Mr H - What a fantastic story. You've used repetition in the intro and ending and used some amazing similes. I'd like to see some more word pictures about what happened. What did Mr McCallum's face look like when he was talking on the phone? What was going through your mind when you were walking back to class? Can you use a simile there?

What: I learnt how to make my story have the right amount of impact.
Why: We did this so we could get feedback from the teacher and edit it.
Next: My next step is to try harder at first.

Key: Red = What I added.




What: I learnt (after ages of trying and trying) how to make a wordle and get it onto your blog.

Why: We did this to see what words we used the most (not including common english such as I, me, the etc.)

Next: My next step is to not be so impaintient when it is loading, because I could have finished it in five minutes.